Daily Dancing
by fingers-falling-upwards
Summary: Through a strange series of events, someones innermost desire was granted, and Allen has three weeks to figure out whose or he may remain a girl for the rest of his life! Suspects are KL, YK, L, CM, and RW. Can you figure this out before Allen? Crack-ish.


Dear God, it's alive.

BTW I don't think Lenalee is this stupid.

She has the potential though.

Seriously, I love her.

This was the first story I ever wrote and it was so terrible that it's worth shedding a few tears or two when I think about it.

The ideas were so there!

The execution was so not.

So let's revamp and try again!

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN D. GRAY - MAN! NEVER WILL. **

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><p><em>Chapter one: Drugged We Dance<em>

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><p>Heat waves always bring out the sunshine in every person. No pun intended.<p>

In the black order, a large, black, brick building, with fewer windows than was viably safe, they were especially enjoyable. From the finders to the exorcists, each was feeling the warmth of those goddamn darling sunny rays.

It was somewhere between being in an oven; and drowning in warm Jell-O. Between having a hangover at a screaming contest and sneezing while your dentist was drilling. Between falling down a flight of stairs face-first, and giving birth to a shoe.

'_Unfortunately, none of those are damaging enough to kill.' _Reever thought morbidly as he wiped some sweat from his brow and pulled another stack of paperwork towards him.

'_If only. Sure death might suck, but at least there's no unpaid over-over-time.' _It was overtime on their overtime. Things were getting ridiculous over here. What with the new scientists, everyone was a little high strung with trying to keep them moderately satisfied as they settled in their new environment. The temperature wasn't helping anyone along.

'_What the deal with this weather anyways? It's freaking England! Land of never-ending bad weather and cloudy skies.'_

"Reever!" He was ripped from his musings as a familiar exorcist placed a tray on his desk.

"Here! Keep up the good work you guys!" Lenalee Lee placed the mug of steaming hot coffee on his desk with all the encouragement and good-intentions in the world. He couldn't help but stare at here with an '_Are-you-kidding-me-it's-more-than-a-thousand-degrees-in-here-and-you-bring-us-hot-coffee?-were-you-dropped-one-too-many-times-on-your-head-as-a-child?_' face.

Either she didn't care, or was too preoccupied with passing out the rest of the mugs because her only response was more smiling. Or she was really stupid.

A few too many hits from a level three could do that to people.

"Thanks Lenalee, but I-"

"Oh Lenalee! Your generosity knows no bounds! Bringing all of us your delicious coffee to drink, we are truly grateful my Angel!~" The proclamation cut off any and all attempts on Reveer's part to politely turn the drink down.

Peering at the floor, it was then the sub-chief noticed Komui clinging onto Lenalee's leg. Not that unusual of a sight in all honesty.

'_Just how long had he been down there?' _Reever scanned the dirt and bruise build up with a practiced eye. More than six hours, but less than nine. He'd been hit about thirty-seven times and been dragged through ten floors, including the rough concrete training grounds. Ouch.

'_He must be going for a new record.'_

"Reever? Aren't you going to drink the savory fruit of my darling Lenalee's labor?"

"Brother!" Squirming match commenced. All the while Komui had managed to keep his eyes pinned on Reever in an eerily calm challenging fashion as he was shaken upside down and sideways and into desks and floors alike.

The comment wasn't a question. It wasn't a comment either. It was in all actuality, a poorly veiled threat. He noticed several other scientists hastily drinking their coffee. No one resisted anymore. Not after Jimmy . . .

It had taken the new scientists only a few days to understand what life was like in the main headquarters. You drank the coffee to survive.

Reever fought a grimace as he poured the scalding liquid down his throat. It burned as it went down, harsher than the strongest vodka could. He was mostly used to this though. Heat waves were a dangerous time for every man in the order. He made a few false sounds of appreciation, almost gagging as he did.

"Thank you Lenalee, that was delicious." She smiled and gave a cheery smile, as she told them they were welcome. Komui noted the empty glass with a genial nod, somehow seeming aloofly pleased, though he was attached to his younger sister's ankle.

"Did you want more?" Crap. He had over sold it.

"No, no, that's alright er, you don't need to trouble yourself."

"Oh it's no trouble!" She hastily assured him.

"I'm good for now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." One thousand percent.

"Sub-chief Reever?" Komui directed towards him. The other scientists had moved on and were shuffling about the area doing their own thing, so as not to draw the attention of the chief.

"Yes?"

"Why is it you don't want my preci-"

"SHOVE IT BAKANDA!"

The familiar echoes resounded from the mess hall, down twenty-nine flights of stairs, left four corners, and then right five more.

There was a low murmur of groaning and a few scattered comments of,

"Are they going at it again?"

"-third time today, when are they-"

"Do they have some kind of mental probl-"

"Ah, my, my, it seems like the two of them are fighting, why don't I go check on them to make sure nothing gets out of hand?" Several people were looking at Reever like he had grown pig-tails.

This was not without good reason. Usually they picked straws, drew names, flipped coins, begged, bribed, threatened, pleaded hysterically or faked/had a mental breakdown in order to avoid Allen/Kanda babysitting. It was the most loathed task in the order, among dealing with Cross when he visited, or Komui when he got in one of his moods.

Some of his co-worker really weren't the most stable people . . .

Komui seemed to be mulling this over and the outcome was a decidedly acceptable to him.

"I suppose that's fine. Actually, tell them that to meet in my office; they have a mission." Reever went pale as Komui directed his sister with an over-dramatic pointing as though she were a horse.

"To the office Lena-chan! Hi-yah!"

"Brother! Let go of me!"

The previously pointing fingers were crushed into the ground, as she stomped about. It was like watching an Elephant trying to get rid of a mouse. The pained cries of her brother met her ears and her only regret was that she wasn't wearing heels.

"R-right, I'll just, um do that." Reever watched the stomping with a mildly concerned look. He was more worried about his own fate. Not only did he have to deal with the two, but he also had to tell them they had a mission together? There was no hope for him!

'_Unless . . . .' _His face flickered to a fake-smile.

"Lenalee, could you help me with something?" The girl stopped her stomping and looked towards him with a curious expression.

"What is it?" Her brother reached towards her with a crippled looking hand. She smashed it to the floor without a single glance. Komui let out a low moaning that reminded Reever of a dying animal.

"Would you come with me?" He invited with what he hoped was an innocent expression.

"Why?"

"I just enjoy your company is all."

"That's because Lena-chan is such a gentle flower of beau- Erk." More stomping followed this declaration of adoration that floated up from the floor. No one paid him any mind.

"Would you?"

His prayers were answered as she smiled easily.

"Sure thing, let me just grab the tray." She walked over to the desk to grab it. Looking back at the other scientists she raised her tone a little louder.

"Don't worry; I'll be back down with more coffee later." Her joyous statement was received with half-hidden groans and sarcastic 'thank you's.' Her status as being an idiot was reinforced as she said a charming 'you're welcome.' Her head could be filled with hot air for all Reever cared; she was the best person in the world right now.

"Shall we?" She asked over her shoulder and he nodded. They walked across Komui's bleeding body as they left.

Reever momentarily debated whether or not they should make sure someone took Komui to the infirmary, but he felt sure that someone would take care of it eventually; blood was always harsh on the floor. Someone had to be bothered by it.

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><p>Lavi sat cross-legged on the floor occasionally popping a piece of pop-corn into his mouth. He stared at the pair contently. There really was nothing like live theater. Lavi had always been a connoisseur of Aristophanes, Shakespeare and Moliere alike. But there was just something about having a show that was readily available every day. . .<p>

It was so appealing that he more or less forgave the bad writing.

"-father must have lied about his gender you girly jerk!"

"And your mother must have drunk bleach while pregnant trying to get rid of you. Must be why your hairs so messed up you stupid Moyashi!"

This was why Lavi ordered popcorn every day.

"Oh yeah? Well the doctors probably tried to cut your *%# when you came out-" Allen raised his voice into a girly shriek.

"Doctor, doctor! There seems to be a mistake, this girl has a *%#!" He lowered his tone dramatically.

"By God, you're right nurse! Quick someone give me some scissors!"

"Moyashi!" The samurai barely ground out.

"It's Allen BaKanda!" Their innocence came out and sparks and the sounds of clashing now filled the mess hall.

Lavi was the only one who dared get close to their table. The rest of the black order kept a healthy distance away. It was as though someone erected an invisible force-field around them.

The red head dodged a few insects that flew his way. Sometimes he thought that Yuu was doing it on purpose. But that was just silly talk.  
>Yuu totally loved him.<p>

He tossed a few pieces of the puffy kernels into the air just for the challenge. The first he bit right out of the air. The second he gummed with his lips. The third he barely caught on the tip of his tongue. The fourth one was to the side; an easy catch. He smiled and reached over to save it from the impact. He was subconsciously calculating the trajectory, when suddenly several strands of white stabbed through the ground in front of him and was forced to duck out of the way, or else risk having face an early retirement. In hell, most likely.

The pale food sat on the dirty ground and Lavi stared at it sadly. It hadn't done anything wrong. If Allen's innocence hadn't interfered, it would be enjoying a nice, dark, albeit short, trip into his stomach right now. But it was beyond salvation; it landed on the stone floors.

The ground of the black order was cleaned regularly; every ten or so years.

From the corner of his eye he noticed the awkward approach of Lenalee. She was staggering oddly and each step was painfully slow. Was that a white lab coat hanging behind her, or was Lavi going blind in his other eye? She stopped at the front of the table and opened her mouth.

"Hey guys! The boss- I mean Komui wants to see you all. " Her tone was a creepy kind of falsetto. Not to mention that she didn't move her lips at all as she spoke. She was like one of those creepy dolls.

That was the first sign. Lavi frowned as Allen and Kanda stopped fighting to stare at her with blank expressions. At the silence she began again.

"If you don't go up to his office I bet he'll send Komurin 15 down to accompany you there." The half-threat was met, once more with blank stares. Her mouth stayed open a few more moments before seeming to realize it had stopped talking and promptly snapped shut.

"Reever. Stop using Lenalee as a human shield. It's so obvious it's painful." Lavi said in a bland tone. Reever poked his head from behind Lenalee and rubbed his head sheepishly.

"What tipped you off?"

"C'mon, Lenalee using a word more than seven letters long, that _wasn't _her name? Yeah, nice try." The Cyclops scoffed.

"Not to mention the creepy thing you got her doing with her mouth." Allen poked in.

"I thought it was pretty bad, but I didn't think I would be saying anything longer than a sentence." The scientist explained.

"Though it's challenging, I find that taking the time to teach her to say the sentences is more rewarding in the long run." Lavi suggested as Reever looked towards him incredulously.

"You must have a lot of time on your hands."

"It's easier than you think; it just takes some positive reinforcement. Here, watch: Lenalee!"

The girl turned towards them sluggishly.

"Did you drug her?" Lavi asked, taking notice of the drool and bleary gaze. Reever shrugged a bit before nodding.

"Didn't think it would do much harm; I didn't want to risk her kicking me, you're not upset are you?" The scientist checked. He was pretty sure that was a 'no' but you never really knew with the bookman junior.

"Nope, just curious. I wonder whether or not her blood innocence will affect her physically in how fast her body metabolizes the drugs. I'll have to check up on that later . . . where was I? Oh yes! Lenalee, please say your lines."

"Yes Lavi!" She opened her petite mouth once more and stood at as much of attention as she could manage in her stoned state. It was fairly lopsided to say the least.

"Lavi is my hot, hot, sex.

I've never known a man more handsome and good looking.

Not to mention modest.

He is so sexy that Akuma cry when he smiles.

His butt is so tight that I want to crack a nut between it.

That is not a eu-eupha-" She faltered and frowned, her brow furrowing from the effort.

"Sound it out." Lavi encouraged from the side.

"That is not a euphe-"

"That is not a euphemism for anything." She beamed at her accomplishment and received the pat on the head happily.

"Well done, here Lenalee." Lavi tossed a kernel at her and she fell over trying to catch it.

"Of course! Using food! Why didn't I think of that? Though is it wise to be teaching her how to say longer words?" Reever wondered aloud and as Lavi shrugged his face settled into a contemplative state.

"How did you make the subject so responsive to the food method?" Reever asked and Lavi was more than delighted to share his findings.

"By starving her for several weeks. It was pretty simple to convince her she was gaining weight, and then it was just a matter of using Allen to hide the excess food Jerry was making."

"And Komui?"

"Never even knew. Apparently someone gave him a fake treasure map to his dangerous experiments that you took away from him, so he spent to better part of a month looking for it."

"You didn't." Reever was pale white and he strode towards the red-head and began shaking him madly.

"Please tell me you didn't tell him where I've been keeping all his experiments!" Lavi brushed the shaking hands off of him easily.

"There is no way Komui would ever figure the riddles out. They are so elaborate that I'm surprised he still has all his hair." Reever was looking distrustfully at the Cyclops but let him go.

"Did you say that the stupid moyashi and I have a mission?" Kanda was done with this freak show. He pointed his sword over to the Australian man who hastily ducked behind the teenage girl whom was trying to wipe the oil/dirt/blood off of the little piece of off-white popped corn she had scrounged from the floor. God knows when Lavi would decide that it would be okay for her to eat again without her worrying that she would get fat.

It was more like when he would remember to feed her. Despite having a photographic memory, Reever seriously doubted that Lavi would remember any time soon.

Allen's clawed hand joined the party, and Reever was beginning to back away.

"Is this true Reever?" The cold smile turned onto to sub-chief and he shivered unconsciously.

"N-now guys, let's all be professionals here." At their dark looks he continued on.

"Besides you know the rules; don't shoot the messenger!"

"They also say that all's fair in love and war." Lavi supplied unhelpfully as Kanda pressed his sword tip closer.

"Don't worry, it's no love lost on our part." Allen assured him.

Reever decided to cut his losses and make a break for it right then and there. He threw Lenalee at them and ran.

"Quick! Get him!" Lavi ordered as he shoved Lenalee off of him. The other two just flattened him with a look and he wilted and muttered a quick, 'only if you wanna,' as meekly as he could manage. It was accepted and they gave chase. Lavi tagged along because, hey, the show was still going on.

Down twenty-nine flights of stairs, left four corners, and then right five more, they arrived, gasping at the chestnut door of their psychotic supervisor. After composing themselves they rudely flung the door open and stepped into the paper covered room.

The sight inside was enough to stop their plans for murder dead in its tracks.

Lounging on a chaise was Marian Cross. One hand running up some random woman's skirt, the other held a half-empty wine bottle.

Komui was on the other end of the office, pouring over a case folder with too much interest for it to be safe.

And sitting in the middle was Rhode Camelot, popping a piece of pink bubble gum as she played with the bars of her cage.

For a few moments, only the small gasps and moans from Cross's companion filled the room.

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><p>Hey! I hope you liked it!<p>

Please tell me. I live off of reviews.

I don't write if people don't write.

Besides, it takes you all between 30 seconds to five minutes to review, and it takes me a couple days to write this. I would love a review.

so . . . .

**RE**view?


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